Ray Manzarek is Dead As Fuck
(February 12, 1939 - May 20, 2013)
If you don’t know who Ray Manzarek is off the top of your head, it’s okay because you’re not alone. He was the co-founder, keyboard player and principal songwriter for The Doors.
The Doors you’ve definitely heard of, right? They’re the band that’s loved and worshiped by every girl you know that constantly writes “I was born in the wrong decade” all over everything, even though most of them just learned who The Doors were and traded in their Taking Back Sunday albums for Strange Days about 6 months ago.
Jim Morrison was the face of The Doors and he was just as brilliant as he was a drug-addled degenerate. The two kind of go hand in hand, but just because you are one, doesn’t mean you are also the other. Don’t get it twisted and try it for yourself.
Anyway, after Morrison died in 1971 (officially from “natural causes” but unofficially from overdosing on heroin in a Paris nightclub where the owner panicked and paid two drug dealers to take Morrison back to his nearby apartment and dump him in the tub) Manzarek decided that he was just as important to the band as Morrison was.
He took over lead vocals on the two post-Morrison albums that weren’t very good, then spent the next three decades playing songs while having someone read Jim Morrison’s poetry and trying to convince drummer John Densmore to let him license Doors music for commercials (something that Morrison vehemently opposed) so he could make a few extra bucks. Densmore never gave in and ended up suing Manzarek and guitarist Robby Kreiger when they started trying to tour as The Doors of the 21st Century.
He also wrote a book called The Poet In Exile, in which a rock star known as “The Snake Man” fakes his own death, then later reunites with his keyboard player (named Roy in the book) and apologizes for mistreating him and thanks him for keeping his legacy alive.
It’s safe to say that Manzarek had some issues about being second fiddle to Jim Morrison.
Granted, Manzarek did some great things post-Morrison - like discovering the punk band X and producing their first 4 records and his songwriting on the actual Doors records is phenomenal. But later he threw all that greatness out the window when he collaborated with Skrillex and deemed it the “first Doors song of the new millennium.”
He died earlier this week of bile duct cancer. Now that he’s dead, maybe someone will finally realize his dream and turn The Poet In Exile into a movie that I can skip without even thinking twice about before putting on WAYNE’S WORLD 2 as a tribute to Jim Morrison.
This is no secret. I stand by it as one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.
“I quit cub scouts to watch 90210. -@trevorhale
Yeah, pretty much how I roll.
Ray Harryhausen is Dead As Fuck
(June 29, 1920 - May 7, 2013)
Even if you don’t know who Ray Harryhausen is, you know who Ray Harryhausen is.
Do you remember all those Greek Mythology movies you had to watch in elementary, junior high and high school?
You know, the ones with the archaic stop-motion that you found to be almost comical? The one you probably most remember is JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS because when the skeleton army came out, it just looked ridiculous and you couldn’t help but laugh.
But what you didn’t realize was that movie was made in 1963 before they had anything that resembled a special effects department. Harryhausen was a master of stop-motion animation, was incredibly inventive and did amazing things with very limited resources. His vision and work influenced just about every single filmmaker working today.
Well, the good ones anyway.
Michael Bay probably doesn’t care for Ray Harryhausen because stop-motion doesn’t involve beautiful women that can’t act for shit but look fantastic from low angles with great lighting and unnecessary explosions that the characters can walk away from. Give him enough cocaine and he’ll probably have a few things to say about him, but none of it will make much sense.
Numerous filmmakers have included tributes to him in their work, with the most notable probably being the undead army that Ash must battle in ARMY OF DARKNESS.
He was a brilliant man and a great filmmaker and artist. The only problem was that he “was born in the wrong decade” as most idiot girls on Tumblr like to say. I can only imagine what kind of work he would have done had he actually had access to some of the more cutting edge effects as he was learning.
He died this morning because he was old. And unfortunately, when you get old you die. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you didn’t realize that already, then you probably don’t have a shot in hell of making it to 92 like Ray did.
Psh. My titles are waaaay more clever.
(that mean pretty much the same thing, but…)
Jeff Hanneman is Dead As Fuck
(January 31, 1964 - May 2, 2013)
Jeff Hanneman was the founding guitarist for the metal band Slayer. He died this week from complications stemming from one of the most metal diseases that he contacted in the absolute least metal way.
Hanneman hadn’t played with Slayer since 2011, when he was forced to take a leave of absence to deal with an Epidemic of necrotising fasciitis - a flesh eating bacterial disease.
You know how he got it? He was bit by a spider while lounging in the hot tub. He nearly lost his arm because he didn’t seek immediate attention and when he finally did, he had to be placed in a medically induced coma to recover. Hanneman has been out of the spotlight ever since.
He’d recently started writing songs with the guys in Slayer again, but things started to go south (of Heaven) and soon after he was touched by Death’s Hand and succumbed to liver failure.
When not writing songs about God Hating Us All, Hanneman was a peaceful gentleman who loved attending and entering his dogs in shows.
It’s another sad reminder that guys in metal bands are just normal dudes that like hanging out in hot tubs and attending dog shows. All that Raining Blood and Angel of Death stuff is just for show. Disappointing, really.
Now, that old saying, “At Dawn They Sleep” comes to mind and after the Hardening of the Arteries, Hanneman is now just a Skeleton of Society and on a permanent Exile from life itself. The guitarist did put up a Fight Till Death, but in the end, The Final Command was nothing more than a Praise of Death. Now, like all metal gods, Hell Awaits his arrival and Piece by Piece, Hanneman will be shown his final resting place. When the Postmortem becomes available we’ll be forced to let out a Silent Scream and our memories will have to be enough to Cleanse the Soul as we enter the Seasons of the Abyss.
This Fictional Reality is more than any of us bargained for and our New Faith has become a War Zone thanks to the Darkness of Christ. But In the Name of God, hopefully we’ll hear you Screaming From the Sky to let us know you’ve finally found Bitter Peace.
Rest in Power, Jeff Hanneman.